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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

March 2015



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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

Royal pain in the…

I hate dentist visits. I go at least quarterly. My dentist and hygienist are both kind, concerned, careful. They do their best not to hurt me. They are the reason I am not a toothless, crotchety, old man. (1 out of 3) I remember one time I had a dentist visit that was completely painless. Afterward the anesthetic wore of quickly and there was no residual pain or discomfort. I remember it so clearly because it is the only time it ever happened.

Even when it is an innocuous visit like my regular cleaning, I come out with my mouth sore for days afterward. And when, like today, there was a tiny problem and they had to numb my mouth (just one small quadrant) to use the ultrasound cleaner, I come out feeling like I’ve been in a train wreck. They absolutely have to use Novocain in order to use ultrasound. Otherwise I might as well give them a 20 oz hammer and have them randomly smash my thumb whenever they feel like it.

It took until noon (after my 8:00 a.m. appointment) before my tongue began to tingle and come back to life. The entire morning I couldn’t even sit down to my computer and focus on the screen. Employers may have wondered why I needed a half day off every time I had a one hour dentist appointment. My current boss (me)—completely unsympathetic—spends the entire time I sit in my share alternating between dozing and gazing vacantly into space berating me mercilessly about what a wimp I am. Even my dogs look at me wondering why we aren’t walking in the snow.

Well, that was this morning. Now I really have to get some work done.

Right after my nap.

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