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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

March 2015



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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

The dream--leftover vulnerabilities

Okay, I'm awake again. I need to jot down the dream I woke up to this morning so it is out of my head. I don't want to revisit it. I'm pretty sure it is still surfacing a remnant of how vulnerable and pissed I was at having my wallet picked out of my pocket in London. By the way, the insurance covered all but my $250 deductible and the cost of phone calls that I made that day. That included cost of replacing drivers license, train ticket, passport and the wallet itself. So that was good. Now the dream.

Don't ask me how it started because what I remember is that DW, DD and I were headed up to the mountain for an overnight pack-trip. We were driving the Prius up a mountain road that in my mind I associate with Mt. Rainier, but has nothing to do with any real place I know of. We were planning to head up on the glacier, so we were going to cart our camping equipment on a sled. We unloaded the car and for some unknown reason, I realized I was wearing my hiking boots and a smile, and nothing else. It didn't bother me at all. We were starting out and I said wait, we'd better check to make sure we have everything. Sure enough, we hadn't packed a tent and only one sleeping bag. What else was on the sled, I don't know. But I said we couldn't go camping without a tent and sleeping bags, so we'd have to head back. We got back to the car and opened it up to put the sled in and head home when two backpackers approached us and asked if they could get a ride back down from the trailhead. I said sure and asked where they were headed. Index, they said. Then asked if I had my Global Mobal phone. I said yes.

Wife and daughter were already in the car as the guys tossed their packs in the back with our sled. I said we weren't going that far, but we'd get them down to the highway if they could fit in the car. One guy had moved to the driver's door and the guy beside me said, that's okay. We're taking the car. I said so that's the way it is? Then without even thinking I turned and drove the palm of my hand up into his nose. That dropped him. I went to the side of the car where the other guy was ready to get into the driver's seat and said, your buddy has a problem. He turned to see what was going on and I slid into the seat and started to drive away.

That was when I woke up at 3:30 this morning. For the next hour and a half until the alarm rang at 5:00, everytime I closed my eyes the scene would replay with everything happening from changing where and how I hit to the reaction of the other guy; whether I called 911 for help; whether the second guy tried to fight me and where I hit him. Then there were renditions where he grabbed my daughter; where he ran down the mountain and cut us off on the switchbacks; where he had a gun; where he had a knife; where he managed to shove a tree across the road ahead of us; where I ran him down; etc. etc.

I can't believe there was actually a part in there where he checked to see if I had my Global Mobal phone! It has to have related to London.

I'm a very non-violent person and even have a hard time writing the violent parts in any story I concoct. So I can only guess that this all came out of my rage and feelings of violation when my wallet was stolen. It comes on the heels of a couple of pretty lousy weeks after I got back home where I didn't want to work or do anything. I couldn't focus on anything for more than a few minutes and couldn't even sit to study. Then we had four intensive days at the conference in Las Vegas and I started getting sick when we got home.

Ick! So I scheduled a vacation and some time off. I've got to get this crap out of my head. It was just a wallet for God's sake.