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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

March 2015



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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

Try this pitch...

This inspiration came over me while I was walking to lunch. Any of you with experience pitching to agents, please chime in. (And everyone else, too.)

So imagine you are a hard core private eye with all the trimmings. You've got the Seattle Waterfront office on a converted pier, the sexy assistant who's crazy about you, and an attitude to match the ceaseless gray drizzle outside your window. Into your office blows a Seattle high society dame boohooing about her missing husband and how he always said that if anything happened to him to contact you, Dag Håmar.

The problem is that you are a middle-aged geek with a specialty in computer forensics, not missing persons. The doc has told you to stay close to home while you are waiting for a heart transplant for a gradually failing ticker. And the only clue the dame has brought you is the missing man's laptop computer.

You're Dag Håmar, and you can't wait to get your hands on that laptop.

Except that the society dame happens to be your ex-wife and the missing husband is the former best friend she ran off with twenty-five years ago.

Now you're Dag Håmar.

Security & Exchange is a contemporary first person noir detective mystery in which bits and computer code prove as dangerous as dark alleys and guns.

Whatdya think?

xposted to wayzgoose and nanowrimo


The idea sounds great!
I have no experience with pitching to agents, but that sounds really good -- it gets an atmosphere to the audience as well as a story. And from what I've read of your novel (admittedly not much) it was also quite good, so I wish you the best of luck. :-)
The pitch starts with "Imagine that...", which is great, except that it goes on long enough that by the end I've forgotten that I'm supposed to be imagining, and am just consuming this list of facts about Dag. This is easily fixed. Put the facts about Brenda into rhetorical question form, and finish it with a reminder that we're supposed to be imagining:
Did I mention that the society dame happens to be your ex-wife and the missing husband is the former best friend she ran off with twenty-five years ago?

Imagine that. Now you're Dag Håmar.
The repetition of the name would probably work in a query, but I don't think it would work in a pitch. My understanding is that you want an opening pitch that's one or two sentences long, and a second, more elaborate version that's maybe 5 times that long, to give only if the person you're pitching to asks for more. This is about the right length for the second pitch, but at that point the gimmick of the name repetition is already redundant.

Best of luck!