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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

March 2015



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TGR, Gutenberg, Rubric

End of the vocal edits

Red Pen edits: 252/252
Computer edits: 252/252
Vocal edits: 281/281

My voice is cracked and I'm wondering if I should have done the previous edit while reading it aloud instead of waiting for this draft. I'm finding occasional misspellings, inconsistencies, and very occasionally voice problems. Occasionally I get a real inconsistency like Dag's last line in the chapter where he gets tossed in the Chicago River: "Fuck the heart attack, I can't swim." Okay. He was two years in the Navy. Didn't they teach him anything?

DD & DW are slated to arive tonight at 10:45 from Scottsdale. I expect I'll be up a good portion of the night after that, actually making the edits in the manuscript that I've marked up during the voice read. Then, tomorrow morning I have to send them off to Agents K & S. I need to send a cover letter, one-page bio, and one-page synopsis. The cover letter will include this tickler:
Security & Exchange is a contemporary first person detective mystery set in tech-savvy Seattle, featuring computer forensics investigator Dag Hamar and his assistant Deb Riley. Computer code and hidden files prove as deadly as dark alleys and flying bullets as they tear down a missing man’s laptop computer and trace the billion dollar fortune the man took with him.

Then the one-page synopsis reads like this:
When computer forensics detective DAG Hamar’s ex-wife, BRENDA, tells him that her husband—DAG’s one-time best friend, SIMON—is missing, DAG reluctantly responds to her plea for help, even though he has recently suffered a heart attack brought on by deterioration from a childhood disease, and has been told by his doctor to stay close to home while awaiting a transplant. DAG and his partner Deb RILEY are drawn out of the office, however, when data on SIMON’s computer lead them to a high-stakes poker game and a weekly “party” at which the attendees are exclusively Seattle’s highest-ranking corporate executives and the young, beautiful women who cater to them.

When RILEY discovers that SIMON’s partner, BRADLEY, is expecting a covert shipment, DAG’s friend and Federal agent, JORDAN Grant, is called in to help investigate. Acting on the lead, DAG takes off on an impulsive trip to investigate the supposed destination of the shipment in Chicago. The trip almost costs DAG his life as he is mugged and dumped in the Chicago River. The cold dowsing accelerates the deterioration of his heart, but DAG responds when RILEY tells him SIMON’s mistress, ANGEL, has routed his private jet to Minneapolis.

DAG intercepts the two in Minneapolis and is dragged along with them as they attempt a flight to Cuba. A Caribbean hurricane causes them to re-route to Atlanta where they hole-up in a penthouse hotel room. There, SIMON tells DAG of his plan to dismantle his entire business to keep it out of the hands of a criminal syndicate that BRADLEY has allowed to take control. SIMON’s plea to DAG for help is so effective that he agrees to help SIMON liquidate the entire $2 billion enterprise, donating the proceeds to charity. SIMON is spooked by the report that a known heavy for the syndicate has been spotted in Atlanta and he makes a run for it. Brenda gives DAG the code that will enable him to track SIMON’s plane on the laptop computer. It comes up on the screen, but suddenly disappears as it enters Cuban airspace. When DAG and ANGEL arrive back in Seattle, they discover that the plane exploded over Cuba and that SIMON is presumed dead.

DAG receives a call from JORDAN that the contraband that BRADLEY has imported is actually counterfeit computer software. DAG figures the case is now closed, but is awakened in a haze with word that RILEY has been kidnapped by BRADLEY and the syndicate thug. The frantic chase to rescue RILEY is more than DAG’s heart can stand, and although successful, DAG finds himself in the hospital attached to a weakly beeping heart monitor. BRENDA visits him “to pay for his services” and DAG finally puts the pieces together that tie her to SIMON’s death. JORDAN arrests her.

But the damage is done to DAG. While RILEY staunchly insists that he will get better, DAG knows that he is rapidly failing. He sends RILEY out on another mission, and then disconnects himself from the monitoring equipment so he can go home because “a hospital is a terrible place to die.” Finally at home with his dog, music, and a favorite painting, DAG states his last words and expires.

Well, here's to luck and perseverence. There's a long night ahead yet.


> "Fuck the heart attack, I can't swim."

I have to believe this is easily fixed with something like "Great. Drown, or give myself a heart attack trying to swim?"
im catching up. i wind up reading backwards on mondays. i know it has already gone of to its desitnations. im thrilled. just wanted you to know.